


In my Blood

by Alyrockyforever



Series: Marvel Song Fics [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Sad Peter, Sad Tony, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, Whump, i don’t know how to tag, what’s he gonna do?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 05:23:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17053961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alyrockyforever/pseuds/Alyrockyforever
Summary: Help me it’s like the walls are caving inSometimes I feeling like giving upBut I just can’tIt isn’t in my blood





	In my Blood

_Help me it's like the walls are caving in_

Peter closes his eyes a sob escaping him as he slides down the bathroom wall. He couldn't do this anymore.

_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

He grips the blade in his hand and holds it to his wrist. 

_But I just can't_

_It isn't in my blood_

He pulls it away again, tears rolling down his face. 

_Laying on the bathroom floor feeling nothing_

_I'm overwhelmed and insecure give me something_

_I could take to ease my mind slowly_

He swipes Aunt May's Tequila from beside him and takes a swig. It burns his throat.

_Just have a drink and you'll feel better_

He's downed more than half of it now and he wishes he could just drown in it.

_Just take her home and you'll feel better_

He wished he'd said something to Michelle. If only he had spoken to her instead of backing down like the coward he is. Who is he kidding? She wouldn't accept him anyway.

_Keep telling me that it gets better_

_Does it ever_

He's felt like this for so long, he doesn't remember what it feels like to be happy.

_Help me it's like the walls are caving in_

_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

_No medicine is strong enough_

He'd tried downing pills to sooth the pain before but it only made it worse. He wants Mr. Stark to hold him and tell him that it will al be okay. But it won't.

_Someone help me_

_I'm crawling in my skin_

He was so horrible. There wasn't one thing he liked about himself. 

_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

He sniffles and raises the blade to his wrist again. 

_But I just can't_

_It isn't in my blood_

A sob rips from his throat and he drops it to his side.

_It isn't in my blood_

He grabs his phone from the ground, his heart pounding out of his chest. He looks through the messages he gets daily. **Freak. Stupid. Ugly. Waste of space.**

_Looking through my phone again_

_Feeling anxious_

He wants someone to just _help_ him. He wants someone to make it better.

_Afraid to be alone again_

_I hate this_

His breath is coming in short gasps. He sobs again, louder.

_I'm trying to find a way to chill_

_Can't breath oh_

He wants his friends and his aunt. He wants his mentor. He wants to be loved and held and soothed. He wants to be talked down but he's not sure if he can be.

_Is there somebody who could_

_Help me it's like the walls are caving in_

_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

He unsteadily brings the razor up. He's not sure if he can do this. **Stupid, stupid, stupid! Just do it already!**

_No medicine is strong enough_

_Someone help me_

_I'm crawling in my skin_

He was so worthless. Why didn't he have the courage to just end it already?

_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

He presses it into his skin. Was he really going to do this?

_But I just can't_

_It isn't in my blood_

He cries out and drops his hand.

_It isn't in my blood_

He wanted Mr. Stark so so bad. He sniffles and grabs his phone again. He presses on Mr. Stark's contact but quickly chickens out. He hangs up as soon as he hits call and chucks his phone across the room.

_I need somebody now_

_I need somebody now_

_Someone to help me out_

Someone like Mr. Stark. His phone rings. And rings. And rings.

_I need somebody now_

He doesn't answer no matter how badly he wants to hear his mentor's voice.

_Help me it's like the walls are caving in_

_Sometimes I feel like giving up_

He takes a deep breath and presses the metal into his wrist. 

_But I just can't_

_It isn't in my blood_

He nearly wails as he tosses the blade away.

"Kid! Kid open up!" He hear Mr. Stark call. He must've entered the apartment while he was too busy crying to notice. He stares longingly at the blade.

_It isn't in my blood_

_It isn't in my blood_

Peter can't do this. He needs Mr. Stark. Maybe things would be okay. He shakily stands up and open the door. Mr. Stark rushes in and doesn't hesitate to scoop Peter into a hug.

_I need somebody now_

"I need you." He croaks. He can feel Mr. Stark shaking with silent sobs against him. "I know kid. You got me." He responds.

_It isn't in my blood_

_I need somebody now_

Maybe with Mr. Stark things would be okay. 

_It isn't in my blood_

He couldn't kill himself. Because it wasn't in his blood.

 


End file.
